28 S'No Fun

February 2024

As I write this, I am sitting in an apartment in Samoens, France. I am here with my husband Geof, D his best friend and skiing buddy, his wife J who doesn’t ski and of course, Unique who also skis.

The journey to France involved heading to Dover in our multi-row minivan and crossing the Channel by ferry. The traffic was heavy and by the time we reached Dover, there was a 2 hour wait for the next ferry. I normally sit behind the driver, but unless I have something to rest my shorter than average legs, I end up with a sore right knee. So this time I sat behind the front passenger seat, with both legs resting on my shower stool, which we brought with us.

Once we arrived in Calais in the early hours, Geof drove through the night until 4am. This seating position proved to be a mistake as there was now a large gap between the left side of my head and the rear sliding door, which I vainly sought to fill with my various pillows and support cushions. I also needed to recline the seat. However, poor Unique, sitting behind me was totally cramped up but said nothing for the whole duration of that leg of the journey and barely slept. I however slept solidly until Geof parked up at a French service station. We stayed there so the drivers could get some shut eye.

Now, fully awake thanks to some inconsiderate headlights and a nearby refrigerator lorry’s motor running, I started up a conversation with God. We chatted about this and that, I can’t remember exactly, and then I began pondering some of the thoughts buzzing around in my head. As I formulated these ideas, I realised that I had the rudiments of an essay/sermon/possible book. Rolling my eyes in exasperation, I wondered if I would ever have time to actually flesh all this out. I am very much an ideas person, but more of a starter than a completer. With a number of  crochet projects, podcasts and vlogs on the go as well as an unwritten autobiography on the back burner, could I really invest the time? But the thoughts would not go away. By the time we set off two hours later, I had the introduction mentally written. I rationalised that if I was able to remember it in a couple of days’ time, when I could actually write it all down, then I would proceed with this particular project. And that is what happened; the introduction is properly written with a skeleton of a structure all recorded in a Word document.

Geof drove on until breakfast and then D took over the driving. I switched back to sitting behind the driver and Unique gained much needed leg room. My neck and shoulders were experiencing discomfort. By the time we reached the resort, I needed to lie down flat.

Ever since my appointment at the hospital I have been experiencing a change in my symptoms. There has been a slow but noticeable increase in symptoms in my left arm and hand. I’m not going to go into detail as I don’t want to focus on the symptoms but they are increasingly impacting on daily life and household activities. Yesterday, I struggled to manipulate jigsaw puzzle pieces. On any given day, I can either do light household chores, chop vegetables, do laundry or iron. It can be challenging to do a combination of these.

Having trained myself for the last 18 months to stop sleeping on my front, all of sudden I have woken to find my face pressed against the pillow. One again, I find myself researching sleeping positions and pillows as well as suitable exercises.

Thinking back to my early hours conversation nearly 2 years ago when God said he would restack my spine every morning, I am left wondering when I stopped trusting that God would continue to do that. I now have a different daily experience; one of discomfort when I wake up. Did I take his promise for granted? The sign of spiritual attack, maybe? Or is this simply the natural consequences of ongoing spinal degeneration.

God knows.