01 Why blog about this?

On Friday 4th February 2022, during the worship time at ESSL, I was a bit distracted to be honest. I spent a lot of time recently, talking to God about whether I should go ahead with my blog or vlog about journeying with this condition. This was my current distraction. I had been seeking advice from Unique about vlogs and dabbled a bit in filming myself.

Nah! Definitely not my thing. I am certainly not photogenic, never mind videogenic.

I didn’t sense there was an outright no about blogging so I continued to go with it, asking God to guide me in my thoughts. I had already come up with a title for the blog – ‘My Spinal Column’ but I felt it needed a sub heading. I thought of God’s holding me up, as in God’s supporting me but rejected it as it could imply that he’s taking his time or getting in the way. Then out of nowhere popping into my head came ‘God’s got your back’. I knew that was perfect, thank you Lord. ‘My spinal column – God’s got my back’.

I still felt unsurprisingly unsure about whether I should even start this, something I have battled with throughout all blogging. It's an unhelpful theme with me. I had a chat with a couple of other people in the group who affirmed me in this venture and said go for it. The following Sunday at church I was chatting to F. She and her husband had just done a preach on evangelism and I thought I would sound her out. She also affirmed me and said go for it. She loved the name and the subheading. She also told me to either do it or not do it, but don’t ever be double minded.

Hah!!! No chance!

Just for the record I want to be clear about why I want to do this. Yes I am justifying myself. Why do I have this need for other people’s approval and to be affirmed by everyone? I really want to shake this off but it plagues me, makes me doubt myself and undermines my ability to do anything.

1 I really like writing and communicating my thoughts and ideas. There’s lots I could write about as a teacher of special needs kids or about journeying with a special needs teenager but that’s not really my story to write about.

2 I don’t know how long I will be living with this condition. Yes, I am trusting that God will complete the healing he has already begun but my daily reality is that I live with real symptoms. God’s compassion and mercy are new every morning and each day I wake in the hope that all my symptoms will be gone. So in the meantime until that day arrives I want to document this, as I journey with God.

3 I totally believe God is walking with me each day. I know he is by my side. I know he is using every moment for good and for his glory and ultimate purposes, which are always good. I know that he will make the path straight and clear. I know that whatever I have to endure and wherever this experience leads he is with me and I lean on his strength on the days when I have none.

4 I want to bless and encourage others who suffer from this and other conditions to know that God is there for them and that he offers healing and hope.