23 A firm foundation

28th November 2023

A few days on and I am still crocheting that scarf. I can’t imagine not being able to crochet, sew or craft.

It has been a very busy few days. Friday 24th November was a day for both of us to process. Geof had done considerably more research than I had and found the patient information leaflet from King’s Neurosurgery Department. It was very helpful and informative with detailed diagrams. I found out that a corpectomy not only removed affected discs, but also portions of damaged vertebrae, replacing it with an expandable cage and a metal plate. I also researched to find a definitive list of symptoms so that I could effectively evaluate the extent of the symptoms I was experiencing. I also spoke to my line manager because I knew I would not be able to continue with my hospital shifts without a new risk assessment being carried out.

I spent a long time composing an email to our church prayer team, summarising the situation so far and detailing the next stage. Unsurprisingly for me, I found it hard to be concise while still being clear. I redrafted the email several times. I had complete peace about the surgery even though it wasn’t the ACDF I had prepared myself for. I also updated S and J in America and the other members of my ESSL support team. On one hand I wanted to shout to everyone “See what has happened to me!” and on the other hand I only wanted a few trusted people to know; those who I could trust to hold it prayerfully in the Spirit and not in the flesh.

I held onto God’s truth that even though circumstances had changed, his promises hadn’t. He already knew this would be the surgery all along, even though I thought it would be more routine surgery. I kept pressing into the peace God had given me back in August regarding surgery but there were other areas that were a struggle.

That day, I found it hard to get past the terms tetraplegia and quadriplegia which were the terms used at King’s Hospital. I knew and understood that any surgery was to limit the progression of the condition and prevent further function loss. Following surgery, there was no telling how much function would return. I was concerned for Geof and for Unique because hospitalisation could range from a few days to a few weeks depending how quickly my peripheral nervous system rebooted. This would be followed by 2 months of not driving. How would they deal with everything?

On Saturday 25th November we all spent the day visiting a university as Unique is in the middle of applications. For very specific reasons we made the decision not to say anything to Unique until a few days before any possible surgery. We had a lovely day out at the university and Geof and I were grateful for the distraction.

On Sunday we went to church as usual. I encouraged Geof to share with a few of his trusted male friends. I know he is struggling with this on many levels but I reminded myself to hold fast to the promise that God works every circumstance for good and hope that God will speak to him through this.

Back on the previous Sunday, the 19th November, we had an opportunity to come forward to submit ourselves to God. (Check this on Eastgate Plus YouTube 19/11/2023). My heart and my mind were heavy with a lot of things, most notably the havoc my automatic negative thoughts were playing on my mind and my mood as well as the upcoming hospital appointment on the 23rd. I felt blessed to have the practical and tangible opportunity to come forward before the Lord in worship and lay everything before him. I sense now that it help to prepare the ground for what was to come over the next few days. As I processed the news and prognosis over the following week, my thoughts kept returning to that Sunday service, recognising how God had been building the scaffolding to support me and my family.

The most powerful revelation of all came to me as I reflected on my previous healing, the first of which took place almost exactly 2 years ago. It felt as though God had held back the symptoms even then, just as he had held back the water of the Red Sea. The symptoms I experienced at that time were enough to warrant surgery even then. God had moved in such a way that I did not need to go down that path. As I remember all that, that first day, that first step in the healing process is even more miraculous. God not only gave me healing but he also took away the need for surgery at that time because I was not spiritually ready and other circumstances were not right.

I also remembered something that had happened to my mother as I mulled over the presumption that this condition was genetic. In the late 1970s early 80s my mother was diagnosed with cervical spondylitis or spondylosis, I can’t remember which. They are apparently different but very similar conditions but the terms are used interchangeably. She suffered for years which chronic arthritis and pain in her neck and retired on medical grounds in her early 50s. About 15 years later in the mid 1990s, we both were volunteering at a Reinhard Bonnke Healing Event at Watford football stadium. My mother came forward to give her testimony that all the pain in her neck had gone and she had full movement that she didn’t have before.

At the time I was very cynical and sceptical. We did not have a good relationship at the time which gradually worsened over the subsequent years. Sometimes her behaviour was very narcissistic and she would take advantage of any opportunity and make it about her. However, she never complained about pain in her neck ever again and no longer needed medication for that condition. A long while later, I realised that God had indeed healed her from arthritis in her neck. I don’t think I can separate what God did for my mother and what he did for me. Another reminder that healing doesn’t have a time limit or run out. If God did it before, I can trust that he can and will do it again.

I now find myself wondering how God is going to play all this out going forward. So far his work has been miraculous and (in my opinion) dramatic, as he weaves the different aspects together. There is no reason for him to stop now. I wait each day in anticipation of how he will move.