22 All change

25th November 2023

At the moment, I am crocheting a multicoloured scarf for my lovely teenager Unique, to go with the beanie I have already made. The tension is nice and even, and to be honest I am quite impressed with myself. I am loving my crocheting. I find it very relaxing and I enjoy making gifts for people.

So when Geof and I headed up to Denmark Street on 23rd November 2023, for my face to face consultation with the neurosurgeon, my rainbow coloured crocheting was an essential companion for the train journey and inevitable long wait once we had arrived.

Thankfully the journey was uneventful except for sitting in the fancier seats next to the driver’s compartment. The train was starting from our local station and we had the opportunity to exchange a few words with the driver when she arrived. She asked where we were going and promised to drive us carefully. She responded positively when  I said “God bless you.”

As I sat crocheting, I noticed that resting my elbows on the arms of the seat was uncomfortable as they pushed my shoulders upwards. This caused a bit of twinging in my neck. Being vertically challenged I find that chair arms, and chairs in general, are not always well proportioned for me. The arms of chairs tend to be too high as I have a short torso.

When we arrived at Denmark Hill, Geof waved to the driver who stuck her head out of the window and wished us all the best and also reciprocated my previous blessing.  We made our way to the neurosurgery department which had moved into more modern facilities since our last visit 18 months ago. We had arrived in plenty of time and I had barely checked into the clinic and got out my crocheting, when I was called in 20 minutes early. That made a change.

The registrar was very friendly and asked all the expected questions about my symptoms and how I was. Geof took photos of my two different scans. The recent one showed slight more deterioration. I wasn’t that worried but the doctor was asking about new symptoms and he was clearly more concerned than I was. It appeared that there were more signs of calcification around the bulging disc and that the bulge itself had started to calcify. He popped out to talk to Mr B, the senior neurosurgeon. While we waiting for the surgeon to arrive, the registrar checked my reflexes and the motor control in my left hand and noted reduced function compared to my right hand.

When Mr B arrived, both he and I thought we had met before but in a different context. I can’t think where I know him from and it’s really bugging me. Anyway, he asked me about my symptoms and I was cross with myself for not making a list. There were two significant challenges to listing the symptoms. Since, I had received healing from God on more than one occasion, the symptoms had varied over time. Secondly, the amitriptyline had masked and reduced the impact of many symptoms too.

I described the numbness and heaviness in my legs, the occasional numbness in my toes, the pain in my fingers that sometimes went up my left arm, the locking of my left hand in a grip position which requires me to flatten it apart and that my left foot does that too sometimes. I described that I recently tried to increase my amitriptyline to 35mg but went back to 30mg as I was very drowsy in the morning. I acknowledged that some of these symptoms had presented themselves in the last 3-5 months and that perhaps I didn’t pay them any attention.

Mr B discussed various options as he felt these symptoms may indicate a deterioration in the condition and that surgery was a possible course of action. Symptoms were a more accurate evaluation of how far the condition had progressed. The surgery he was proposing was a corpectomy. I wrote this term down while he explained what it was. I wasn’t taking it in fully and decided I could look it up later. I was asked what I wanted to do. I could have this surgery soon and go on the waiting list which was currently 3 months. Alternatively, I could wait and not rush into it and see how symptoms progress, but this may lead to a gradual loss of function in all four limbs. In any case I would require surgery within the next 30 years, depending how slowly deterioration took place or how quickly the calcification continued. It appeared that this may be a genetic predisposition and not caused by innumerable falls skiing and taking too many calcium tablets. Our question to him was whether or not I should have surgery because I had no idea what to do. In my head the surgery required was still ACDF (Anterior Cervical Discectomy and Fusion) which I was fine with. He was clearly sitting on the fence too, as there was no outright clear decision and he was reluctant to do surgery unless necessary as, the risks were slightly greater, and I was really hoping to avoid it.

Then out of the blue (or a God prompting), I suddenly remembered a very important new symptom that I had forgotten to mention. I told him that I have spasms in my body when I lie down. Without any hesitation Mr B said “We’ll do the surgery.” I was completely taken aback at the finality and unhesitating response. Confused, I asked why he was suddenly so certain. His response was clear. The condition had gone to the next level of deterioration.

Mr B left the room soon afterwards to see his other patients and left me in the capable hands of his registrar. I had so many questions and I still couldn’t take in all the information. I asked him to clarify what surgery was required and he confirmed that this would be a corpectomy not ACDF. He also confirmed that my voice may get lower, when I asked about that. He would send out a letter in due course with all the information. When I asked what I should do going forward, his response was simply “Don’t fall.” We headed home after a pointless promise not to google anything.

The train home was busier as it was rush hour but we were able to get seats. Geof and I talked through various aspects of the consultation and our thought processes while I carried on crocheting as if everything was normal. We went out to dinner and talked more. I decided that I wanted to do the surgery sooner rather than delaying as there would never be a good time and I felt it would be better to do this before Unique went off to university. We talked more that night and although I was clinging to the same peace that God had given me back in August, I realised that Geof was considerably more challenged by the whole thing.