20 Weighing up the situation

November 2024

With the busy summer of 2022 behind us, we all turned our attention to lay ahead. Unique began a two year Level 3 course in Music Production. Unique is a gifted and prolific songwriter/musician which clearly comes from Geof’s side of the family. Geof was back at work and busy with rehearsals for Blackadder Goes Forth, time to coincide with Remembrance weekend.

As for me, an opportunity to work locally as a youth support worker with came up. Emerge is a charity bringing hope to young people suffering from mental health challenges and self harm who are being admitted into hospital. This has been a very rewarding role and also involves doing follow up sessions with the young people after they have been discharged. It has been a privilege to work with a fabulous bunch of people with a heart for hurting young adults. Despite the twinges, I felt I was still around 90% functional and was cleared by occupational health to carry our my role for 10 hours a week. This was perfect because I could fit Year 3 of ESSL as part of the support team, my crafting and my Women Warriors prayer group around my hours and still have time to support Unique as college ramped up a gear. I felt that I was physically better placed to manage all this compared to where I had been at the beginning of 2022.

Looking back through my journals for that year to bring this journey up to date, I have been reflecting on some of the scriptures that God has highlighted. One notable scripture was Isaiah 6:8 and was reminded that I need to go to God before I can go for God. Whatever is going on in my world and in my body, God is always my point of reference; my centre; my reset, to whom I always come back. Everything comes back to him.

As I write, we are approaching 2024 and it is with some frustration I note that I carry the same challenge into 2022 and 2023. I know I need to lose weight. This came with associated health challenges such as higher blood pressure, menopause, reflux and digestion problems. I am less than 5 feet in height and even shorter now my discs have lost thickness. My weight for my height should be 7 ½ to 8 stone but I am more than a stone heavier than that. I have used my challenges with my mobility and this condition as an excuse not to exercise. I have only recently understood that the aching in my legs are muscle aches. Exercise will not cause the symptoms to deteriorate.

Even still, I just cannot shake off the weight and I recognise there is considerable disorder for me with regard to eating. I love food and I have a sweet tooth and it gives me a very short burst of pleasure. But I will eat for the sake of it. I have zero self control. That fruit of the spirit seems to elude me. I have tried every diet imaginable. Now I find that I don’t have the motivation to invest the effort into researching, planning and preparing healthier meals, particularly as I do not enjoy cooking, much less cook twice, as neither Geof nor Unique fancy increasing their intake of chickpeas and pulses. In any case, I sense there is more going on emotionally regarding food that I have yet to identify and overcome. Perhaps more counselling would help.