18 So sew

October 2023

As spring of 2022 turned into summer, I turned my attention developing new hobbies. My tutoring business had fallen by the wayside because I realised I did not want to do extensive teaching in the evenings and the home schooling market didn’t bite. Fortunately, I had broken even and covered all the financial outlay. In the process of rebranding my Incomparable Riches website, I had inadvertently deleted my tutoring website. I will spare you the in depth details of how I managed to do that. Basically, I had two accounts on the same platform and I deleted the wrong one. Doh! I decided that if tutoring picked up, I would rebuild it.

Geof made a start on renovating Don’s house for the rental market, which took up a considerable amount of his time when he was not working or rehearsing for a show he was in. Unique was busy with college work and being an independent, almost adult. So, left to my own devices I decided to explore my love of crafts and learn to sew – properly.

There are a few things that I know about myself which can be both a help and a hindrance. I am an ideas person. I always have lots of ideas, put some of them into practice, but don’t complete many of them. In some part, it may have a lot to do with moving house frequently as a child and never feeling settled. I never had the time to discover what I was capable of. I love to try new things, to have new experiences. I can spend hours researching topics like neurodiversity and polyvagal theory and then I move onto the next thing. In the past, I have received criticism because I jump from one thing to the next, trying out lots of different things but don’t stick with one interest. But I have learned to reframe this as having a wide interest and a willingness to experience the diversity that I see around me and not be forced to stick with something that wasn’t working for me, just for the sake of it. The problem is that I invest financially and don’t always make use of the resources. You can check out some of my projects here https://www.tumblr.com/radhikrafts

Since getting married I have made greeting cards and paper craft, drawing, painting with acrylics and water colours. Then there was the tutoring, which I did in a spare room at Don’s house, and now I have moved onto sewing. I inherited my mum’s Bernina, known as the Rolls Royce of sewing machines and still going strong since she bought it in the mid 80’s.

Unsurprisingly in this season, I was inspired by my second year in ESSL and the encouragement to discover and explore my creativity more thoughtfully and deliberately. I had previously dabbled in patchwork and quilting but I was really keen to learn to sew clothes and bought a pattern for a simple waistcoat. It was lovely to feel fabric properly in my hands again and enjoy the textures and the touch sensations that the healing in my fingers had brought. It was fantastic to be able to manipulate fabric, threads and all the trimmings without cringing with sensory discomfort. This really spurred me on to invest more time in the sewing because it was more tactile than drawing or painting and required more fine motor skills. However, I noted that when sewing and bending over the fabric and using the sewing machine, I would quickly lose my posture and start to hunch. This would result in becoming increasingly clumsy and the frustration levels rose. I discovered that wrapping a scarf around my neck, gave my neck and head enough gentle support to hold my head in a better position and stop me bending forward. As it acted as a reminder to keep my head straight too.

In my impatience, I did however become hasty and I rushed so much of what I was making in my enthusiasm to create all these ideas I had and try out different techniques. The first four things I made were imaginative but lacked knowledge, planning, patience, accuracy in execution and resulted in poor finish. It took me a while to realise that I was sewing for sewing’s sake and not getting the results I hoped for. The simple waistcoat was a disaster because of this. I felt that I was sewing from my flesh and not my spirit and treating each project as a task that needed to be completed hurriedly so I could go onto the next one.

A more successful project was altering a few of the outfits the groomsmen were going to wear for my brother’s wedding at the end of August 2022. The kurtas, which consisted of knee length shirts worn over coordinating baggy trousers, had been purchased online from India and the sizing came up slightly tight. I ended up altering about 5 of them, by removing the pockets and using both them and some spare shirts to insert panels into the sides of the shirts. I also added panels into the not so baggy trousers and some couldn’t be pulled over calves. My efforts were gratefully appreciated by my brother and I received a special mention in his speech. That meant a huge deal to me but highlighted this need I have to be affirmed by others in order to negate my self doubt.

The wedding was amazing and it was wonderful to participate without the hindrance of a walking stick and to even be able to wear heels; to be able to dance at all the parties and enjoy all the celebrations and activities without constantly being reminded of what I couldn’t do. I didn’t really notice the numbness in my fingers and the lead weights I had for legs were bearable. Aside from that, I considered my self to be 90-95% functional on most days.

Over the summer months of 2023, I have been making worship flags which are a very important part of my worship. To me they are conduits of the presence of God which is then released onto the congregation. As I finished my time at ESSL in May, I was privileged to demonstrate their use in one of the sessions and I decided that I would repair the existing worship flags, as well as making new ones especially for the students coming through the school. God had also been speaking to me about teaching the children to worship with flags ever since they started coming into the dance space to worship. I felt God was raising up a new generation of worshipers, even amongst the toddlers. I believed that as there was no Junior Holy Spirit, these young children were being prepared for the next season. I have made a selection of smaller worship flags and ribbons for even the smallest child to use.

I also invested a great deal of time into patchwork and quilting, setting aside time to watch videos and learn the appropriate skills but there still moments of haste and lack of accuracy. I found myself becoming very selfish, resenting any intrusions into my sewing time. I was frustrated by the demands my quilting time. I felt I was constantly interrupted by housework, caring for my family and going to work. Sensing, that it had become something of an idol, I set the quilting aside mid project and moved away from it because I realised it was bringing up these negative behaviours. Creativity is a God given gift and is birthed from love, patience, excellence and peace, so I would wait until I was ready to continue from that position. In any case, I was struggling now with the dexterity needed for intricate manipulation of small pieces of fabric, so it was a good time to have a rest from sewing.

More recently though, I have spent time crocheting which I thoroughly enjoy and have made a baby blanket and a blanket for my newly married friends. As autumn turned into spring, I have been crocheting hats and scarves, which I do while watching TV.

Crocheting can be tricky though, as you hold the item in your left hand which is the hand that is used to feed the yarn to the hook. I noticed that at times my left hand would lock rigidly into a cup shape and won’t open up again unless I press open my palm and fingers. Undeterred, I continued with my crafting regardless because I refused to let anxiety or fear contaminate my river of healing. But I could not really ignore that my left hand was experiencing more noticeable discomfort.