13.1 Now it stops here

February 2022

If you are a regular to my blog, or have read my previous posts, you may have noticed a pattern to my posts. I will write several posts over a short period of time and then a really long gap, often more than a year, and then I will begin writing again.

Today is the 28th October 2023 and it has been 15 months since I have written. Once again I am playing catch up. This morning, I have been blessed by the company of my spiritual sisters as we brunched together and chatting. Chatting, as you know is my favourite pastime.

If it were an Olympic sport, I would take a Gold medal. Anyway, this morning was an opportunity to eat (my second favourite pastime) and fellowship. As we partook of the delicious spread, we chatted and listened and learned more about each other. During the conversation, I shared about my writing, this blog, and especially why my writing was fits and starts.

What a privilege to receive so much encouragement. Not only this, but they got me to tackle the thorny issue of my inconsistent writing. Imposter syndrome was what I threw out there. But really, at the heart of it is unworthiness.

A few weeks ago, I decided to set aside Fridays to enjoy reading and for writing. More reading than writing and definitely finding tenuously linked activities to avoid actually writing for my blog. Granted, I have been writing up and illustrating all the prophetic words I have been given into one book, as a task which needed to be done first. Every time a blog idea started to formulate, I would brush it aside. I realise I was using my refusal to write as a form of self flagellation.

I do not feel worthy enough to have my voice heard.

For someone who loves to talk; to tell a story, this is strange. It took me a ling time to believe that anything I had to say was worth hearing. Even now I sometimes hear that faceless voice say “Nobody wants to hear what you’ve got to say.”

There is no truth to these words because they do not originate from my loving Heavenly Father. These are not words that he speaks over me. They are lies.

And that’s an end to it. Now it stops here!

Thank you L and K for organising this morning’s brunch that highlighted this particular thorn in my side. I left, having promised the ladies on my table that I would resume my writing as soon as I came home.

Thank you Jesus that you are always patient with us when we keep circling back to the same thing again and again. Let this be an end to that deceiving voice that whispers lies of unworthiness. We break those destructive lies.

We are worthy because you say we are worthy. Amen.