11 Powerful encounters

In the meantime, I was continuing to experiment with different types of pillows and sleep positions again to see what would best support my neck. I was certain that this significantly impacted the severity of my symptoms.

My main concern was that further damage to my spinal cord may result in paralysis and I was always watchful for any signs of further deterioration. On this particular night I decided to try sleeping without a pillow at all.

At about 4.30am on Saturday 8th January I awoke for no apparent reason but went to the bathroom in any case. My teen who had not yet been able to fall asleep was in need of comfort and support and I spent half an hour providing this. Returning to bed and lying on my back just after 5pm, I began reflecting on the previous day at ESSL, my condition, my healing and my teenager’s emotional needs. I was just mulling thoughts over in preparation for my visit to the healing centre in the morning.

I asked Jesus to make me more aware of his presence. In that moment I had a sense of God’s hands over the top of vertebrae in my neck and a sense of him gently adjusting them back into the correct position and re-sculpting them. I talked to God about what was going on, asking why I was still experiencing symptoms if he had already healed and repositioned my vertebrae. Why had he not finished the job and restored the damaged and compressed spinal cord at the same time. Immediately I felt there was more to expect on this journey. There was more to come as I continued to journey with God.

I helpfully reminded God that during a previous online healing centre session, I had told him I did not want an operation and that his response had simply been ‘OK’. I was concerned about how it would impact my family and affect my teenager who had been making good progress, so I wanted to avoid anything that may trigger a setback. Pondering all this, I rolled onto my right side and realised that without a pillow my neck was no longer in a neutral position and instead angled downward. I thought to myself that I really should pick up my pillow off the floor but I was too tired to bother. I felt God say something like ‘Don’t worry, I will sort it out in the morning.’

‘But you're not going to do that every morning, are you?’ came my retort.

Silence.

And then in that split second it dawned on me that Yes! God would do that every morning and in fact he had been doing that every morning since my healing. Every morning God was watching over my spine and making sure it was in a safe position. God’s grace and mercy are new every morning. Just as every morning he causes the sun to rise. I need not worry about paralysis. Feeling at peace I soon fell asleep.

Awaking in in the morning I briefly shared with my husband what had happened as we both had things to do that day. Excited by God’s revelation to me in the night, I decided to test my body. I planned to go about my activities at as normal a pace as possible to see what improvements there were. I got out of bed, made the bed, showered, dressed and got ready for my visit to the healing centre. I felt able to move well and with ease. Although there was numbness in my fingers and left leg as usual; nothing else. I went downstairs, consciously walking normally, made and ate breakfast and spent a few minutes doing light tidying up. I felt generally fine. The kitchen bin was full so I tied up the bag.

As I carried it to the front door, my body responded. My leg turned stiff and heavy with what I later understood to be spasticity and I lost my balance and I felt neuropathic symptoms spread across my body. I refused to feel disappointed and saw it as confirmation that the healing process was ongoing. I drove to the supermarket to get some fruit, parked and walked to the store. Immediately I realised that I should have used my walking stick. I felt unsteady and unstable and gingerly walked around the fruit section as quickly as I could, but I knew my whole body was complaining. The experience was a struggle. The more normally I attempt to live my daily life, the less the length of time I could sustain it and my body had extreme responses. This is because there is too much information going up and down my spinal cord and the signals get interrupted. So, I had to pace myself throughout the day so that I could manage more, but at a much reduced pace.

I arrived at the healing centre and booked in. While sitting quietly to prepare my spirit, I asked Jesus to make me more aware of his presence. Immediately, I saw a picture of his hands resting on my shoulders, either side of my neck. I explained to my prayer partners my condition and that I wanted healing for any damage to my spinal cord and for all the neuropathic symptoms to be gone, so that I can function normally. However, I did not tell them about my night time encounter with God. The prayer partners prayed and their words confirmed what God had been sharing with me during the night.

I know that I do not have to be fearful for the safety of my spine at night and can sleep on my normal pillow. I trust that my full healing will come in God’s perfect timing. I believe that God is inviting me to use this time to connect with him more deeply in our relationship and learn to depend more on him for every one of my needs. I know that this is a journey and a process and that waiting for my full healing only means that something even better is coming.