When Ministries Miscarry

While in church some time ago, during an incredibly an incredibly Spirit filled worship time, I was suddenly overcome with sadness. I became aware of something and become overwhelmingly sad for the loss of ministries that never came to fruition. There have been many opportunities since I had the miscarriage in 2007 which never bore fruit.

For example, I believed that God was calling us to serve our local neighbourhood and it looked like for a time we would do this through our local church. No fruit came of it though. I had many ideas but when I pushed doors they seemed to open for a while and I believed that God was creating that opportunity but then it would all suddenly break down and disappear. For a long time I thought that I was unable to discern what God was calling me to do and doubted my ability to discern his calling at all.

At church that Sunday I was really struck by this and I felt that all these ministries were miscarrying and never coming to birth. I went up for prayer and was given the word ‘encourager’; that I would encourage others who experienced similar. That night while we were talking, Geof was filled with the Spirit and told me I was bound up. We talked for a while about this and he prayed a powerful prayer over me. I realised that I had let this spirit of miscarriage get hold of me and take over. I realised I had the choice to succumb to it or choose life and keep pushing the doors.

God reminded me that Grace is what fuels a servant heart.