A Barrage of Criticism

3 Set a guard over my mouth, Lord;     keep watch over the door of my lips.

Ps 141 (NIV)

I have lived with criticism for a significant amount of my life. I know the impact and damage it can do. Sadly, growing up, I witnessed my mother criticise nearly everyone around her because they did not measure up to her standards. Then, as I grew independent in my thoughts and actions, I became the main target of her criticism. For most of that time I believed I was the one in the wrong. I reasoned that my mother was older and therefore wiser so the fault must surely lie with me.

It was not until I was in my twenties that I developed the courage to stand up to the criticism, for all the good it did me. To me, and to many people around me, it was stark staringly obvious that many of her criticisms were unjustified or unreasonable. Whether it was the way I drove, the way I talked to or socialised with others, what I ate, what I wore, what I did; all my actions came under attack. I could do 99 things perfectly but my mother would remember the one thing I did wrong or failed at. No matter what I did, I could never live up to her expectations, nor could I expect to gain her approval.

If my mother made a mistake or something went wrong for her, it was because of the failure of others. She never forgave and she certainly did not forget.

It wasn’t until I was in my 30s that I began to realise that God saw me differently. It didn’t matter what I did or failed to do, He loves me all the same. I never have to earn his approval or acceptance, they are a given. God’s love is not dependent on my successes or failures.

It was this understanding and realisation that gave me the courage to take steps to break free from my mother’s control. Although I loved her, I could not live with what she was doing to me.

It has taken me a long time to break the critical spirit in me. I see in myself daily situations where I am quick to automatically criticise and I don’t always stop myself in time. For me criticism goes hand in glove with negativity. The two together become a breeding ground for gossip. Over the past couple of years, I have seen this pattern creep more and more into my behaviour. Although I don’t like it, I cannot seem to change it.

As I mentioned before, I have been doing Steve Backlund’s Negativity Fast, Positivity Feast during Lent, as well as a 7 day Daniel Fast to seek God’s wisdom about how I can change.

The thing that has been a revelation to me; that I am hanging onto, is that you can’t achieve this by simply stopping being critical or negative. You need something different to focus on. You change your behaviour by speaking praise and positivity over situations and people, otherwise you create a void and more criticism and negativity will take its place.

Over the last few days I have been working on speaking positivity, blessing and praise over the situations I encounter, and people who I am challenged by. So far, I mostly keep forgetting until it’s too late. I fail, but at least I am recognising what I am doing. I am a work in progress and God does not blame me or criticise.